I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
