You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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