Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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