I've blown a few things in my day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
