I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
