i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
