i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
