Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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