My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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