I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
