I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
