She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize