dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
