The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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