i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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