she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
