Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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