I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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