There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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