Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
