he told me I talked like a deaf person
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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