white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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