I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
