I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
