awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
