well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
