3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
