I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
