Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
