Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
