Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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