Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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