Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
