Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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