I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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