so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
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Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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