First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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