exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
