So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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