Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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