remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
