What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
