Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't deserve a penis
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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