I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The adults are the big ones right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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