took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
