If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
