jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
