how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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