I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
