I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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