Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so let's talk penis.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
