He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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