Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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