An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
