I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
