How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
