If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
