Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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