but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just blew my weed a kiss
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
