Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
North Korea, Best Korea!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
