Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
