so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
