i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
