just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
