marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
