FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
