the day after is always just damage control
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
