just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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