So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
