please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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