just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
