I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
