It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
