how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
